This is a hard one to write about. I’ve been through a lot. My emotions are still as raw as the day I woke up in the hospital bed. I feel like my life came to a screeching halt, and I can’t get the engine started. (I think it’s flooded. Technical term.) I know many people suffer from depression. Its a faceless, private, hide-in-a-dark-room, sleep-all-day disease. I know I am more than this, but it’s still hard. It’s hard living away from my home and family. It’s hard having my dominant side paralyzed. It’s hard not being mobile. I am aware my sadness is soma-psychotic. (What happened to my body makes me feel the way I do.) A large number of things trigger memories of what I once was. When someone asks “How are you?” I say, “Fine.” (Thats a silly question. I had a stroke!) I know people mean well.
But I know I need to have faith. I need to be the better person. I know I have wonderful friends. (Family members are built-in friends.) I am not alone. They would do anything for me. My attitude is positive. I can do this. I CAN DO HARD THINGS. (I have to keep telling myself.) But most of all, I know through my beliefs that I can be healed through Jesus Christ. I just need to reach out to Him and have unwavering faith. There’s that word again. Faith. And you always hear faith and hope together. Without hope that something will be, there is no faith. I have it. I am my own best cheerleader. I’ve got this. Even though I’m broken, I am worth something. Time. It’s going to take lots of time. Lately, I have an abundance of it. And patience. I thought I possessed it, but there are some days. (I’m not alone in that. Am I?) I must remember there will be bad days and good days. I hope there is a majority of good over bad. I need to let my personality shine through. I need to have fun. I know I need to find the joy in the little things. I can do that. (Wish me luck!) Please like this blog on the blog. They’re all about numbers! Thanks!