All By Myself – 6/30/17

I’ve had a lot of time on my own lately. For the first time in a long while, (before the stroke, I’ve had kids in my presence for a good twenty-five years!) I am essentially alone in this rehab home. Yeah, I have visitors (that’s great) but many hours of the day I’m solitary. Throughout all this spare time, I have learned these things about myself: 

1. I like it neat. I operate better when things are in order. It’s against my nature to look around and see clutter, and not jump up and clean it.

2. I think often about how I could make other’s lives better. I have some good ideas. (I guess I’m turning into my mom!) Ask my husband, he would love it if I’d stop constantly hatching new ideas.

3. I enjoy the computer. I was given an IPad Pro for my birthday last year. I utilize it on an easel, so it’s held upright for me. It’s one of my prized possessions. It is my connection to the world. It’s like another child. I feel as though I need to protect and care for it. (The mothering part of me!) 

4. I crave fresh air and nature. Literally, cooped up in those rooms make you feel like the walls are closing in. I have been spending many hours outside, and that’s how I prefer it! The wind on my face, and the sun warming my skin is therapeutic! I have been laying in the sun after pool therapy while I await my shower. In a month, I’ve acquired a pretty impressive frontal tan. Don’t look at my back! But the front is sufficiently tan. Many aides here say they’re jealous. I have a lot of free time. (What can I say?)

5. Kindness can change a person’s life. No one is too busy to stop what they’re doing for another. Are you paying attention to other’s needs? Many acts of kindness are skipped because we think of our never ending schedule, that long to-do list, or plain selfish pride gets in the way. (Any excuse can stop you, justify your way to hell. I heard that once.) I have seen many unkind humans. Seriously, think of feelings, people. Even if you’re dying, that’s no reason to be mean. I have decided to only fight battles that have life altering consequences. And I will still do it kindly.

6. I look at things positively. Why be a gloomy gus? It seems like mounds of work with little or no favorable results. I know I have extra time, but I’m not going to waste it pouting around, feeling sorry for myself. (I call it a pity party.) Why not look on the bright side?

7. I have many dear friends and family who really care for me. Some people have to hear it at their funeral (I assume they attend their own funeral, somehow!) But it’s different finding out while you’re still alive! I feel so incredibly blessed, humbled, and a bit awestruck. To feel the love from so many people, man, that’s crazy! I’m just a normal person. A bit broken, but still normal. I just want to thank everyone who has prayed, served, and wished me well. (I’ve lost track of how many!) I am sure you’ll get a good mark in heaven.

I am getting to know myself better everyday. On my hiatus, (that’s what I call it) I am on a journey of self-discovery. I hope that helps me (in some way) become a better person. (I hope it’s good for something!)

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